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Post by Fulhamfan7070 on Dec 21, 2009 16:13:28 GMT -5
Username: Fulhamfan7070 Character Name: John Steven Corran Rank: Corporal What Army Will You Serve Beneath? : US(American) Nationality: English(British) Character History: Joined the British Armed forces in 1939 and climbed the ranks to corporal and was brought to the war,was one of the troops on D-Day Writing Sample: He stopped,lowering his Thompson Machine gun lookiing around he thought he was followed, for the first time in his life, he was scared, really, genuinely scared.He was being chased, a private ran up to him "Corporal Corran" he said "The nazi's forces are advancing, we can't hold them much longer, we-ARRRRGH!!!!!!" he dropped to the ground as Corran whipped around gunning down a nazi.Just about 5 years ago he would have revolted, but now the war was his life killing was a constant, no less normal than eating breakfast.
Approved/Denied?: Denied Staff Notes: You have a few gramatical errors, but the main problem is that you showed little, to no effort at all on the Character History. Along with that, you need to lengthen up you're sample post. Please take a look at the other applications, and try again.
~ Furey Campellone
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Post by fulhamfan7070 on Dec 23, 2009 16:06:33 GMT -5
Username: Fulhamfan7070 Character Name: John Steven Corran Rank: Corporal What Army Will You Serve Beneath? : English(British) Nationality: English(British) Character History: Became a Soldier in 1939 He fought for his country and climbed the ranks to corporal, he continuously fights to free others from the nazi's grip on them.He has been injured twice, on D-Day, and shortly afterward in a smaller battle. Writing Sample: He stopped,lowering his Thompson Machine gun lookiing around he thought he was followed, for the first time in his life, he was scared, really, genuinely scared.He was being chased, a private ran up to him "Corporal Corran" he said "The nazi's forces are advancing, we can't hold them much longer, we-ARRRRGH!!!!!!" he dropped to the ground as Corran whipped around gunning down a nazi.Just about 5 years ago he would have revolted, but now the war was his life killing was a constant, no less normal than eating breakfast.He advanced,Heading north, A sudden bang, a flash of bonecrushing pain, and blackness.He woke,his arm in a splint, pain radiating through it, he asked one question "did we win?" "yes, D-Day was a success" said the doctor.
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Post by fulhamfan7070 on Dec 23, 2009 16:08:01 GMT -5
The second is the edit
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Post by welking on Dec 28, 2009 15:09:43 GMT -5
Corran, you should take a look at other applications. Your history doesn't give any family background, his own history, his own personality due to his history. Your RP sample is also weak. I did not even know what was happening. When you said it was D-Day, I was surprised, because I could not tell what it was. Here are links to other applications that you could look at.
~WalterWalter GuntherWiktor BoguslawFurey Campellone
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